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“I Love You, But…” 5 Signs to Recognise Emotional Unavailability

You just met someone who gives you shivers down the spine and every message or call from him/her makes you thrill like no one else before, so s/he must be the one.

But before rushing to conclusions and irreversibly lose your heart, there are a few aspects of her/his behaviour that can tell you if they are emotionally available to commit to a long-term relationship with you.

  1.  Disclosure

We involuntarily reveal our intentions and personalities either by sprinkling a bit of a truth here and there or through gestures. Individuals who are not ready to invest emotions in a relationship will generally express their view on marriage, feelings or long-term plans, trying to warn you that you should not start dreaming big.

Secondly, their physical gestures will speak louder than their words, which means that romantic cuddles or holding hands in public are very rare and usually very short. This indicates that they love their independence and are not willing to welcome you too soon in their personal space.

2. Lack of Transparency

You try to discover your dear one and ask questions about their childhood, about their hobbies… Yet the answers you get are quite evasive, somehow clear, but at the same time confusing. Hence you sense avoidance and that is another sign that s/he does not consider you important enough to know so many details about their life.

A person who is willing to invest and build a strong relationship with you will be an open book for you, telling you even the most insignificant details about that day when they were 8 years old and rode a bike in the park.

3. Arrogance

Arrogant people and confident people treat others in a different way. An arrogant person thinks s/he is much better than those around him/her, while a confident person knows s/he is as good as other people. Confident people will rarely try to preach to others about their misconduct. Moreover, they show respect when communicating with others. Arrogant people have difficulty listening to others. Often, they emanate negative energy around them and blame others when things are not moving in the direction they want.

So, pay close attention to how your partner reacts to your mistakes.

4. Commitment “Phobia”

People who are afraid of engagement fail to truly engage in a relationship because they feel they are trapped; they feel they are losing their freedom. So when they make plans, nothing is certain with them: it is either “maybe”, “probably” or “perhaps”.

When people have a list of things that they want to accomplish before they marry (getting a diploma, travelling around the world, advancing in a career for a better salary, etc.), it clearly states that an emotional commitment is only an obstacle for them.

5. Seduction

Does s/he compliment your physical appearance more than your emotional/mental qualities? Is s/he more interested in discovering you sexually than mentally? If the answer is yes, then do not let the passion fool you, thinking that this is what a healthy and durable relationship is made of.

When couples bond at an emotional level through transparent communication and mutual decision-making, they are more likely to maintain the erotic energy for many years to come.

Besides, you want to be loved and appreciated for who you are and not for your sexual skills.


“No sexual technique or efforts to re-energize passion will help much when your relationship’s vitality is ebbing away.”

Douglas LaBier, Psychology Today


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